Remember me
by Cheerstomaplesyrup
Summary: I'm pretty terrible at summaries. Anyway, I'll try. Matthew began to have odd dreams about somebody he couldn't remember. He was sure he knew this person, but he couldn't remember his name. Little did he know that another person had the same problem in Berlin. Yep, it sucks. The summary sucks. Disclaimer:I don't own Hetalia or the characters in the story, the plot's mine though.
1. Prologue

**I actually published this on Wattpad, but unfortunately I got locked out of my account and I'm trying to remember my password. I'm such a mess ;-;**

Matthew woke up once again in cold sweat.

 _What was my dream about?_

But before he could recall what his dream was about, he glanced at the clock on his nightstand.

 _4:59 a.m._

"What...was my dream about?" he asked himself quietly, blinking tears that fell on his covers.

 _What?_

He felt his cheeks which were now stained with tears. The Canadian was confused, he didn't know why he was crying, he quickly wiped away the stray tears that fell from his eyes. He jumped slightly when his clock struck 5 a.m.

Then it hit him. An odd feeling of sadness hit Matthew square in the chest. He felt it tighten and grow heavy with sorrow, he felt his heart get torn apart. Tears flowed from his face as he gasped for air, sobbing and choking on his own tears. Matthew doesn't know why he would feel this way each time he woke up, which was always at 4:59 a.m., then the sadness would fill his chest, as if he was heartbroken.

He stumbled out of his room and into the kitchen, his eyes were blurred with tears, the glass that was in his hand was shaking as he poured water into the glass. His lips quivered as he drank, tears still flowing from his eyes.

"Mattie, bro?"

Matthew froze. He didn't know that he had woken up his brother with his sobbing. Alfred looked at his brother, the two stared at each other for a full minute. Alfred snapped out of his trance and went to his brother's side. Matthew broke down in his brother's arms, Alfred tried his best to comfort his brother. Matthew had depression, his brother knew that. So Alfred had to be patient around his brother and try to understand him, knowing that even a little thing like ignorance could trigger his depression, then maybe...God forbid, Matthew would start cutting himself again.

Alfred and Matthew stayed like that for what seemed like hours, the sun rose slowly until Matthew saw it through the window. "Alfie," he said, his brother made no movement. "Alfie..." he called once again, this time shaking his brother. "Oh...sorry, bro. I fell alseep." they stood up from the floor, Matthew looked around the kitchen. "Now that we're here," he said, " we might as well make breakfast."

The scent of pancakes filled the air, the birds chirped merrily outside like any other day. Francis went down the stairs, "Good morning, Papa." Matthew greeted, a smile was his reply. "Is dad still asleep?" he asked the man as he sat down on his chair at the dinner table. "Oui, he's still asleep. Oh, Matthew, mon cher you shouldn't have went through so much trouble making breakfast for moi." Francis laughed, "I helped too, y'know." Alfred said in the living room, his voice muffled because his mouth was stuffed with pancakes. He ate the last of his pancakes, "I'll go wake him!" he placed down his plate and dashed up the stairs.

"WAKE UP, ARTIE!"

"BLOODY HELL, ALFRED!"

The sound of cursing and laughing was heard upstairs. It was like this almost everyday, and everybody had lived accustomed to it. In fact, Matthew found it amusing that he lived with three people that he was not related to, but trusted them like family.

Alfred ran downstairs, a pillow was thrown at him. "Dude, c'mon stop it!" Alfred laughed as Arthur repeatedly beat him with a pillow. "CAN'T YOU WAKE ME UP IN ANOTHER WAY? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SHOUT INTO MY EAR, YOU WANKER!" Alfred and Arthur continued their (one-sided) fight in the living room, with Arthur cursing and Alfred laughing. "Should we call them off?" Matthew asked Francis in a bored tone, "Non, they'll come out of it eventually." he replied nonchalantly, Matthew shrugged and ate his pancakes.

His mornings were the opposite of normal, and Matthew loved it that way.

 **WHOOP. The prologue sucks, I know. Ahaha, made a small FACE family action up there, for some reason, my mornings on a weekday would be like what I wrote up there. Well, only the part where I shout into someone's (my sister's) ear to wake her up. Then she'd beat the sh*t out of me...sometimes.**

 **Anyways, I hope you guys liked what I did up there!**

 **Ciao** ~


	2. Lilac and Crimson

**I usually write my stories in my laptop so I managed to copy and paste the backup for this story. I only realized now that backups were important. Thank you backups.**

The wind made Matthew calm down as thoughts stormed in his mind. He kept on wondering why he cried each day for no reason, he thought that maybe it had something to do with his depression, but Matthew knew that there was some other reason why he cried every 5 am. He sat under a tree in their backyard, he heard the faint music from his neighbor next door, the birds chirped merrily as the wind blew gently.

A feeling of Deja vu washed over Matthew. The afternoon felt familiar, he felt nostalgic. Matthew closed his eyes for a brief moment.

 _"I promise I'll come back, don't you worry." Matthew felt a hand touch his head, softly brushing his hair. He was sitting at the base of a tree, looking up towards someone. He couldn't make out his face, it was blurred. Matthew noticed that he didn't have his glasses on, but he knew that voice, it was a voice that he has longed to hear in forever. Matthew couldn't move or speak, but he wanted that person not to go away. He wanted him to stay._

 _"Wait-!"_

Matthew gasped as he opened his eyes. His hand was outstretched, tears fell from his eyes. He was still sitting under the tree, but he felt like he was in another place, or in another time. "What...?" he stood up and wiped his tears, his sadness turned to confusion then turned into curiosity. "What happened?"

Matthew tried his best to remember until his head ached. He knew something was going on, something that was so important to him, something that he couldn't live without. He started to pace up and down the backyard, trying to recall what happened when he closed his eyes. The faint memory in the back of his mind, refusing to be grasped by Matthew, leaving him frustrated. As the afternoon wore on, the only thing that was on his mind was that blurred memory. He wanted to know what it was, he needed to know what it was. Matthew closed his eyes for another brief moment, trying to calm himself down. He hoped that he could remember what he was frustrated about.

"Yo Mattie, where ya at?" his eyes snapped open when he heard his brother's voice call his name, he tried to pull himself rogether and took a deep breath. "I'm here at the back, Al." he called out, the backdoor of the house opened and his brother stepped out, a small box in his hands. "What's that?" Matthew asked, his brother shrugged, "A few stuff I found in the basement while I was cleaning up."

"Huh, never knew that you could clean."

"Arthur told me to, okay!"

Matthew took a peek inside the box, "Actually, it's some of the stuff we used to own when we were kids." Alfred looked at the contents of the box, smiling in reminiscence. The two of them sat down on the grass. Matthew looked inside the box, his eyes caught something that he hasn't seen in forever. "Woah, it's your 'lil polar bear. I thought you lost it years ago, Mattie." Alfred handed him the bear.

The stuffed bear was smaller in his hands, the fur had a yellowish hue now, but he felt like it was still the same as he last saw it. "I remember that I named this bear, what was it? Kuma...ah, I really need to take down notes, eh." Matthew chuckled, "I keep forgetting things lately." With his other hand, he pulled out something else from the box. A small, wooden toy soldier. "Oh wow, I never knew it was in the basement all these years." Alfred took the wooden figure.

"Arthur gave that to you, right?"

"Yeah, I don't know why I found this thing amusing when I was little."

Alfred placed the toy in his pocket and continued to look through the things he found. The two boys spent the rest of the afternoon remembering old memories, until Matthew saw a small iron cross at the bottom of the box. It wasn't a crucifix exactly, but Matthew was sure that he has seen that necklace before. A cold feeling ran down Matthew's spine, he stared at the necklace as a dull throb began in his chest.

"Mattie, are you okay, bro?"

His brother's question went unheard as his hand went closer to touch the necklace.

 _This necklace...I have seen this before...I know...I know who owns this..._

The cold iron cross in his hand jabbed a memory from the back of his mind. Matthew felt his chest tighten, he found breathing difficult. He could not hear anything, his vision was only focused on the necklace he was holding. Alfred was concerned about his brother, he gripped his shoulders and shook him.

"Matthew, dude! MATTHEW!"

He kept on shaking the canadian, but his gaze was fixed on the iron cross in his palm, as if he was in a trance. "Matthew, snap out of it, Mattie!"

 _The soft breeze that touches my face_

 _Reminds me of the soft hands caressing my cheeks_

 _Of the voice that had lulled me to sleep_

 _Of the eyes that met mine, peculiar in hue_

 _For crimson eyes met my lilac ones_

 _The sun that shines down on my face_

 _Reminds me of your warm embrace_

 _The moment I have laid my eyes on you_

 _I knew that it was destiny_

 _Your mischevous smile and that childish twinkle in your eyes_

 _Made my heart flutter and the butterflies in my stomach flew_

 _I have never expected for my road to cross with yours_

 _Nor have I expected for my heart to beat for you_

 _Fate, as you may call it_

 _Made crimson eyes meet with lilac ones_

 _"It sounds cheesy," Matthew heard someone beside him say, he was sure that he knew this person. "S-shut up!" he said back, a bit flustered. The person beside him laughed, a laugh that twisted Matthew's heart painfully for some reason. "Alright, it's not cheesy. In fact, it's just as awesome as me." Matthew giggled a bit, he placed his notebook beside him._

 _"Y'know, your poems and stories are really good, birdie."_

 _"Stop lying. If I were to publish my poems and stories, I wouldn't even make a single coin for those junk."_

 _"When have the awesome me ever lied?"_

 _"I swear to god-"_

 _The person next to him just laughed in response, "But now, I'm not going to lie to you, liebe." he felt a hand intertwine with his._

 _"Ich liebe dich."_

Matthew opened his eyes, he gasped and sat upright, scaring the hell out of Arthur, who was sitting nearby. Arthur quickly placed down the book that he was reading, "Matthew, lad are you feeling well?" he softly touched the boy's cheek. Sure, he had no blood connection with Matthew, but raising the two boys made Arthur feel like he's Alfred and Matthew's father. He was deeply concerned about his son's condition, worried that his depression was triggered for some reason.

"What...happened to me?" the boy rubbed temples, hoping to soothe his throbbing forehead. Arthur did something unexpected, he hugged Matthew tightly, afraid that he would slip from his arms. Matthew did not expect a hug from Arthur, but he eventually hugged back. "Are you alright?" Arthur asked, still hugging the boy.

"Y-yeah, I guess. What happened to me, Dad?"

Arthur pulled away from the hug, "I'll tell you later, but right now Francis and Alfred needs to know that you are awake." he told Matthew, the Brit went outside of the room, closing the door quietly. Matthew was left alone with his thoughts, which was still about the blurred memories that he would sometimes forget.

 _I remember hearing a voice..._

He thought, he knows that the voice he heard was somewhere in his memories belonging to someone...important to Matthew. The door opened and the next thing he knew, he was wrapped in two pairs of arms, hugging the maple out of him.

"MON DIEU, MATTHEW MON CHERI, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?"

"MATTIE BRO, I WAS SO WORRIED! HOLY COW I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO OR IF I COULD FORGIVE MYSELF IF-"

"I-it's okay Al, Papa. I'm feeling fine, don't worry." Matthew tried to assure the two while Arthur muttered "Idiots" in the background. Eventually, they let go of Matthew (who was already suffocating) and sat down as Arthur told Matthew what happened. As he listened, he subconsciously shoved his hand in his pocket. Matthew tensed when he felt that familiar cold metal in his hands. Arthur noticed this, "Lad, what's the matter?" the others looked at Matthew, worried and curious about what was in his mind. Matthew was frozen, he pulled out the object in his pocket, hands shaking as he did.

"Mattie-" Alfred said worriedly.

 _"Hey,"_

 _"Hey..."_

 _Matthew smiled as he saw the person approaching him. Though he could not see his face clearly, Matthew knew that he was safe when this person was around. He knows that he could trust this person, whoever he was. "What are you doing out here all alone?"_

 _"I'm just finishing something..."_

 _"Is it a poem?"_

 _"Yeah,"_

 _"Can I read it? I bet it's as awesome as me,"_

 _Matthew giggled in response, "I'm not finished, I'll let you read it when I'm done, eh?" The person sighed and sat next to him. They were under a maple tree, the summer breeze blowing lightly. It was like every other summer afternoon as Matthew wrote one of his poems._

 _"Why do I always find you under a tree whenever you're writing one of your poems?"_

 _"Well, I just feel...comfortable writing under a tree."_

 _As Matthew wrote away, the person next to him tried to sneak a peek on what Matthew was writing. "I told you I'd let you see when I'm finished," Matthew said, the mysterious person sighed and planted a kiss on his cheek, startling Matthew. When Matthew finally got out of his shock, he noticed that his notebook wasn't in his hands anymore, "Hey! Give it back!" he giggled, "You gotta catch me first, birdie!"_

 _The last thing Matthew saw was the person's peculiar, crimson eyes._

 **The poem up there was something that I wrote half awake after studying for a big test, no wonder it sounded so wrong.**

 **Ciao** ~


	3. 4:59 am

**If I remember my password in Wattpad, I'd probably continue to update this story there rather than here, cause I'm more active there than here. But since I can't remember my password (my brain sucks, I know) I'll continue to update here for now.**

He opened his eyes, breathing frantically. He sat up and ran a hand through his hair, "What..." he saw tiny droplets of liquid stain his bedsheets as he blinked. His head was spinning, he was confused, he was sure that he had a dream...yet it wasn't clear. He took a glance at his clock, squinting through the darkness of his room.

 _4:59 a.m_.

This was the third time this week, what's going on?

He sighed and laid back down on his bed, waiting until the clock strikes 5 a.m...when the tears would blur his vision once more. Gilbert tried to recall when this all began, hoping that he wasn't 'unawesomely' diagnosed with depression or some 'unawesome' mental illness. The clock struck 5 a.m., the tears began to flow, and the aching in his chest began. Gilbert hoped that his brother wouldn't hear his crying through the thin walls of their house. (Because that would be like, totally unawesome)

He eventually cried himself back to sleep, as his cries ceased, a dream that he would never remember began.

 _"You just need to turn like this," Gilbert said, though he wasn't sure who he was talking to. "L-like this?" someone replied, his voice soft as a whisper that Gilbert could barely hear it._

 _"Ah!"_

 _Gilbert fell down with someone, he wrapped his arms around the person who fell down with him, using his own body as a cushion. They stayed like that for a full minute, feeling each other's hearts beat through their chests. "Oh dear, I'm so sorry!" the other person apologized, getting off of Gilbert, but was stopped by the other boy, pulling him closer into his arms. "I don't mind staying like this, birdie."_

 _"A-are you s-sure?"_

 _"Yeah, I actually find this awesome!"_

 _Gilbert wrapped his arms around the other person tighter, "I'll teach you how to waltz tomorrow, let's just stay like this for now..." he said, receiving a giggle from the person in his arms._

"Bruder, get your ass up here!" Gilbert groaned as he was awoken by his younger brother's voice calling him. "The awesome me will be there in a sec!" he yelled back, he snatched a pair of jeans and a grey shirt from the floor. He put them on as he climbed upstairs from his room (which was actually the basement of the house.)

"So, what do you need the awesome me for?" Gilbert asked as he walked into the kitchen where his brother was making breakfast. The blonde man turned to him with an annoyed (and worried) expression on his face. "You've been acting odd lately,"

"Kesese~ I'm always acting odd, that's why I'm the awesome me!"

"No, Gilbert. I mean that you have been acting out of character this past week. What's going on?"

He stayed silent for a long time.

"Bruder?"

"J-ja?"

"What's the matter?"

"I just...forgot something..."

Now, if Gilbert did not use the word 'awesome', something was terribly wrong, but Ludwig did not press the matter. "Eat some breakfast first, maybe you could remember it after breakfast." he handed his brother a plate of wurst and a cup of coffee. "Ludwig, where's the beer?"

"We're out, I'm going to buy some today."

"It's so unawesome if you start the day without beer!"

"For once, I agree with you."

Usually, it would be Gilbert who would make their breakfast, but the past week, something has been bothering Gilbert. Ludwig wanted to know what was wrong with his brother, he wanted to help him, but he just hoped that it wasn't his past illness acting up...

 _Ding!_

Ludwig was pulled out of his thoughts by the toaster, he handed his brother a piece of toast. "Danke," Gilbert nibbled on the toast. He too, was in deep thought. He knows that something peculiar was happening, and he couldn't explain what it was. There was an important event that was linked to 5 a.m., the hour when his eyes would fill with tears and his heart would squeeze in pain, Gilbert was determined to find out what was going on.

He waited until Ludwig finished his breakfast, he offered to do the dishes because one, he felt that it was fair that he would do the dishes since his brother prepared breakfast (once again) and two, he needed time to think about the peculiar event that would occur every 5 a.m.

 **I'm tired af and I don't know what I just wrote. I wonder if these two brothers do have beer for breakfast, it could be a pretty good headcanon...**

 **Ciao** ~


	4. Who are you?

After Gilbert washed the dishes, he decided to take a bath. In the shower, the only thing he thought about was a blurry memory at the back of his mind and about how awesome he is. Gilbert walked out of the shower then slipped into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He glanced at the small object on his desk, it was small, fluffly and was a bit dirty. He sat down on a chair and examined the stuffed bear closely. Gilbert wasn't sure where he got the small stuffed bear, or if any of his siblings owned it, which he could remember clearly, that none of his siblings ever owned a stuffed bear. Heck, Ludwig slept with a wooden pushbroom when he was a child, and he'd sometimes find Roderich asleep on the grand piano that their grandfather owned, and on one occasion, he found Elizabeta taking a nap clutching a frying pan.

He found it a few days ago, just as when the odd event every 5 a.m. started. Gilbert was sure that the stuffed polar bear was connected to the odd events that began when he found it, he was 'awesomely' sure of it.

Gilbert's mind flew towards the idea that he had been thinking about. If he was determined to do something, then he'll do it, even if it means that he should do things that could hurt others, more specifically, Ludwig.

 _I know I couldn't just leave him alone, that would be very unawesome of me, but still...this polar bear, may lead me to somewhere or someone that could explain what the hell is happening to me..._

He was reluctant to leave Berlin, he has no idea what awaits him in places he has never been before. He was still finishing collage too, only a few more months and he'd be done with collage.

 _I could wait a few months...then I'll look for answers to these unawesome questions._

Gilbert stood up from his desk and sighed, he hated it when he doesn't know something, but he was also relieved that he didn't know things...the last time his curiousity got the best of him, he found out things that he wished he never discovered...

 _Mein Gott, what's going on?_

He closed his eyes briefly.

 _"Gil?"_

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"You wouldn't forget me, right?"_

 _"Why would I?"_

 _Gilbert was answered with silence. "What's wrong birdie?" He looked at someone with concern, Gilbert couldn't make out his blurred face, but he could hear their soft voice clearly. He could feel the person beside him shrug, "It's just...people forget me. They see through me as if I wasn't there. It's like...the whole world doesn't know that I exist."_

 _Gilbert tried to think of what to say, "Y'know, if you think the whole world doesn't know that you exist, then how come you're my whole awesome world? You're real and you're with me, The awesome me could hold you, could hug you, I know that you exist, birdie. It's proof that you're real, that the world knows you're here, you just gotta make your mark in the world..." he intertwined his hand with the other person's, whose hand was soft against Gilbert's calloused one._

 _"Thanks Gil,"_

 _"You're welcome,"_

 _"But you need to wake up."_

 _"What?"_

 _"Wake up Gilbert!"_

Gilbert sat up so fast that he almost hit his brother's face. His eyes immediately blurred with tears. "Bruder, what's wrong?" Ludwig asked with concern, watching his brother wipe away his tears.

"I-it's nothing, I just had a dream..." Ludwig was now very worried, it was the second time that day Gilbert forgot to use the word 'awesome'.

Gilbert ran a hand through his hair, he laughed weakly. "It's just the unawesome stress collage has been giving me, I just hope that I graduate more sooner." he tried to reassure his brother with a lie, he hoped that Ludwig wouldn't notice his lie. Ludwig didn't seem to notice, "Alright, I would be going out for a while, so don't do anything stupid this time." Ludwig told his older brother, Gilbert was laughing inside. He felt as if he was the younger brother rather than being the older one.

"Okay, okay. The awesome me promises that I wouldn't destroy anything, set something on fire or do anything stupid." he said, he watched Ludwig climb up the stairs. When his brother was finally out of sight, he looked at his hand. He was clutching the stuffed polar bear.

 _Who are you?_

 **I guess I'm confusing you guys, but honestly, I don't know where this story's heading. Anyway, hope I didn't lose you too early, random ideas would pop up every now and then, so I guess there'd be a lot of plot twists and junk.**

 **Ciao** ~


	5. What's your name?

**I still can't remember...**

Matthew woke up somewhere else. He blinked, trying to adjust his eyes to the brightness of the room he was in. Matthew assumed that he was in a hospital. But the question is, why was he there? He looked for his eyeglasses and found them on a nightstand next to his bed. As he put them on, he felt the covers by his feet shift. "Papa?" Matthew asked, asleep by his legs was Matthew's adoptive father, Francis. "Matthew?" the Frenchman opened his eyes, he looked at his son. "MATTHEW!" Francis suddenly jumped up, startling Matthew a little. "A-are you alright?"

"Oui, but I feel a little lightheaded."

"Papa?"

"Yes?"

"What happened to me, eh?"

Francis bit his lip, he tried to think of a way to tell his son what happened and what they have found out. He inhaled deeply, "You, had a seizure, mon cher." he swallowed, hoping to prevent his throat from drying up. "A-and we discovered something." he paused for a moment, leaving Matthew curious and confused. "Matthew-"

"Oi you frog, we're back-" Arthur's sentence was cut short. He stood still, his jaw almost fell to the floor when he saw Matthew finally awake. Alfred, however, immediately ran towards his brother and hugged the maple out of Matthew. "Alfie, you're crushing me!" Matthew groaned, Alfred apologized. Arthur finally snapped back into reality and hit Alfred's shoulder, "What the bloody hell, Alfred! You're brother just woke up, do you want him to pass out again, you twat?" Alfred chuckled, "Sorry, Artie. I just missed my bro, dude." he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Anyway," Matthew started, "h-how long-"

"Three days." Alfred answered, he knew what his brother was about to ask (it's just the most typical question after you wake up).

Matthew blinked, he hoped he misheard his brother.

 _Three days? What the maple, I was out for three freaking days!_

Matthew felt his throat dry up, "Have you told him?" Arthur asked Francis, "I was about to." Matthew had chills going down his spine. When his father figures talked with each other without a single word of insult towards each other, something serious was going on. "What were you about to tell me Papa, eh?" Matthew asked, Francis looked at his son with misty eyes, Arthur avoided eye contact with Matthew. "H-hey dudes," Alfred cleared his throat, "I-if you need the hero, I'll just be at the roof. This room's pretty stuffy and I need some fresh air." Alfred said and hurriedly dashed out of the room. Matthew could've sworn that he heard Alfred's voice break a little before he went outside.

"Matthew, your seizure was triggered by a rare illness the doctors discovered in your body." Francis swallowed hard, he didn't want to continue what he was about to say, "And your past depression, made this illness worse," he was about to regret what he was about to say, "Mon cher, you only have a few months more to...to..." Francis broke down into sobs, Arthur went to his side to comfort him, his eyes glistening with tears.

Matthew understood what his father was trying to say, and he accepted his fate. He had known for a long time that there was something wrong with him, yet he didn't share it with his family.

 _There was no way avoiding it, anyway_.

"It's alright Papa, I understand." Francis sobbed harder, Arthur began to cry quietly. Matthew didn't know how to stop the two people who raised him from crying, "I-it's alright, Dad, Papa. Please stop crying..." his voice broke at the end, before he even noticed it, he himself was crying also. "It's not alright, Matthew..." Arthur said, he was a sobbing mess. He wanted to keep his composure, but hearing his son that he was...alright with death, it crushed Arthur's heart. Matthew did not deserve any of this, he did not deserve waiting 'til the day he dies. His son deserved better, Matthew was supposed to finish collage and pursue his dreams.

What did he do to deserve this?

To Alfred, the day felt like it was only a second. He entered the room and found Arthur asleep in Francis's arms on the couch near Matthew's bed. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips, he always liked it whenever his two fathers weren't yelling each other's faces off. He pulled out his phone and snapped a photo of the two men.

"Y'know, they'll be pissed if they discovered that you took a photo."

Alfred whipped his head towards the bed, Matthew smiled weakly at his brother. He felt a pang of guilt inside his chest, he wasn't there when their fathers told Matthew what they had discovered. He was supposed to be his brother's hero, he was supposed to be by his side, telling him that everything would be fine (even if everything's obviously not fine). Instead, he chickened out and cried, for Matthew and for himself. He felt so weak, the sight of his brother dying slowly made Alfred want to sob uncontrollably, but he kept his composure. Alfred forced a smile, "I know, I can't wait to see their pissed off faces, dude."

"Al,"

"Yeah, Mattie?"

"Could you do me a favour?"

A lump formed in Alfred's throat.

"Sure, bro."

"When I'm gone...take care of Papa and Dad for me. I don't think I'd be here that long..."

It took all of Alfred's will not to break down and cry.

"S-sure, Mattie."

His brother smiled at him, Alfred wondered if he could see his brother smile with pure joy once again. His days were numbered, they weren't sure when he'd be gone forever, and Alfred was certain that he couldn't be Matthew's hero this time. While Alfred was breaking down inside, Matthew was forming a plan in his head.

 _If that cross has something to do the peculiar events that occurs every 5 a.m., then I'll find out what's causing it._

Matthew's blood went cold.

 _But...where's the cross now?_

Matthew felt like was just punched in the gut, he needed to know where the cross was, if not, then his plan would have been worthless. He thought of asking his brother about the cross but he decided that it would sabotage his plan. Matthew had to wait until he gets out of the hospital, then he'll begin the search for the cross, and execute his plan before he runs out of time. His thoughts went to the mysterious dreams that he kept on having, it revolved around him and someone that was dear to him, yet he couldn't remember who.

 _What's your name?_

 **I don't** **know where this story is heading now...** **Ciao~**


	6. Trust

**Holy Frigg, I figured out my password! I can finally update in Wattpad, but I don't know if I would continue updating here, though. Anyways, I forgot to put disclaimers...so here's a disclaimer!** **Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, but the plot is mine and nothing but the plot is all I own.** Gilbert ran his thumb over his iron cross necklace. The metal felt cold against his skin, and he felt the memories come flooding back.

 _"They say the iron cross is the highest honor for bravery given to someone in the German army back in the days of the war."_ _"Oh, I never knew that. I have always thought of the cross as a sign to ward off evil."_ _The boy looked at his older brother, "So that iron cross on your neck...does that mean that you're brave?" Gilbert smiled sheepishly, his brother was a curious kid, he kept on asking him questions that he could barely answer. "An old man gave this to me...so I kept it because I thought that it was awesome. The person who gave it to me...told me what I just told you about the iron cross."_ _"Who's this old guy?"_ _Gilbert thrusted his hand in his pocket and pulled out another iron cross, "I found this one in one of Grandfather's drawers. I guess he wanted me to give this to you, there was a note under this cross when I found it, and it was for you." he handed the cross to his brother, who accepted it with a curious look in his eyes. "Where's the letter now?"_ _"It's with me. But the letter said not to open it until you're ready."_ _"I was born ready, bruder."_ _Gilbert laughed, he ruffled the little boy's blond hair. "No you're not. Besides, I still have a lot to teach you," he told the boy, who tilted his head. "Then why not ask Elizabeta and Roderich to help you teach me?" Gilbert snorted, "Those two? They're hopeless at teaching and learning, the only thing Elizabeta knows what to do is hit me and my friends with a frying pan. The only thing Roderich knows what to do is stay indoors and play the piano all day." he shrugged, "Unlike the awesome me, I did a lot of awesome stuff and learned so many awesome things from it. So I got a lot that I could teach you, bruder."_ _"Like flirt with girls, get in trouble and start fights with the other kids?"_ _"...No."_ _"Then why do you do it?"_ _"...You'll understand when you're older."_

Gilbert wasn't sure why that memory surfaced in his mind, but he smiled as he remembered his conversation with Ludwig about the iron cross. He heard the doorbell rang upstairs, Gilbert got up from his bed and glanced at the small polar bear once more.

 _I will find out what is going on._

He climbed the stairs, whistling a tune. The melody of the small tune he whistled made Gilbert feel nostalgic. He was certain that he hadn't heard that tune until the moment he whistled it out. He walked towards the front door, he patted down his hair a bit to (at least) look decent to greet the person at the door. "Guten tag, how may I help you?"

"Hello, Gilbert."

Gilbert groaned when he heard that all-too familiar voice of a certain Austrian. "What do you want, Roderich?" he asked, Roderich scoffed. "You could've at least asked if I was well,"

"I could see that you are well,"

"Are you trying to be sarcastic?"

"I don't even have to try."

Gilbert led him towards the living room, Roderich sat down on a couch. "So, what do you want from me?" Gilbert asked once more, the Austrian rolled his eyes, "Fetch me a glass of water, at least. I've come for Ludwig, idiot."

"He's out, I don't know when he'll be back."

Gilbert walked towards the kitchen to fetch his guest a glass of water. He gave Roderich the glass, and sat next to him. "What do you want from Ludwig, anyway?" he asked, Roderich glared at him. "It's none of you're business." he set down the glass on a table. Gilbert sighed, he felt uncomfortable with the Austrian. They had arguments and discords, so he had the right to feel a bit annoyed by Roderich.

Roderich couldn't stand to be with Gilbert for a second. He was an obnoxious, self-absorbed, nasrcisstic...moron, and Roderich couldn't believe that he was actually related to him. The two of them were at each other's throats almost everytime they meet, and the only persons that could get them to stop was their grandfather and Elizabeta. "I need your help," Gilbert blurted out, startling the Austrian. "What?"

"I said...I need your help."

Roderich almost laughed, Gilbert was asking him for help.

 _The world is finally ending, Gilbert has asked me for help!_

For the sake of his curiousity, Roderich (tried to) put on a serious face for Gilbert. He cleared his throat, "What can I help you with?" Gilbert fidgeted with his fingers, "Y'know, I think I might be going crazy."

"I'm glad you've already found out."

"Shut up, I'm being serious here! Asking help from you is totally unawesome!"

"Then why not ask Ludwig for help-"

"I can't! I might hurt him if I do."

Roderich looked up to meet Gilbert's eyes, he saw an emotion flicker in his crimson orbs. For the first time, he saw the Prussian helpless and anxious. Roderich stayed silent and waited for Gilbert to speak, after a few seconds, he resumed telling Roderich what he had in mind.

Ludwig had two paper bags in his arms, one was full of groceries and the other was filled with cans of beer. As he entered his home, it surprised him that it hasn't been burnt down to ashes, unlike the last time he left Gilbert at home alone...(that was an understatement). He was also surprised that he could almost hear a pin drop to the floor, it was quiet. As a matter of fact, too quiet...

"Gilbert, I'm home!" he called out, hoping that his brother heard him. Hearing no response, he placed down the paper bags on the kitchen counter and began to look for his brother. He heard muffled laughter come from the back of the house. Ludwig followed the sound and opened the back door, (once again) surprised with what he saw. On a bench sat the two persons Ludwig could not imagine getting along, laughing and chatting with each other.

 _Mein Gott, the world must be ending_.

"Gilbert? Roderich?" he asked, the two men stopped their conversation. "Oh, Ludwig. I didn't know you were already here." Roderich stood up, followed by Gilbert. "I believe we have something to talk about, Roderich." Ludwig said, the Austrian nodded then turned to Gilbert. "It was quiet nice to catch up with you, Gilbert." The Prussian smiled, "Likewise." Roderich followed Ludwig into the house, Gilbert was left alone in the backyard. He sat down on the bench and sighed.

 _I hope I could trust you, Roderich._

 **It's f*cking 3 am and I accidentally typed J-hope. LOL, I really need to sleep.** **Ciao~** (3)


	7. The Bear and the Cross

It took Matthew almost a whole week until he was released from the hospital. As soon as he arrived home, he went up to his room and began looking for the iron cross. He looked in his closet, in his drawers, under his bed, nothing. He didn't find the cross in his room, so he suspected that one of his family members took it.

"Hey Mattie," the Canadian jumped when he heard his brother's voice. Alfred laughed, "Dude, why are you so tense?" Matthew tried to think of a lie, telling his brother about the cross could jeopardize the plan that he formulated in his mind, "I'm just...looking for something." his gaze swept around his room, hoplessly staring at places that he could have possibly misplaced the cross. Alfred looked at his brother with worry, "Dude, something's troubling ya, right?"

"W-what? N-no, nothing's troubling me, eh."

"Mattie, I'm your bro, I know it when something's troubling you, it's clear on your face."

 _I guess I need to tell him..._

"Remember several days ago, when you showed me that box you found with our old stuff in it? Well, there was an iron cross in that box that I took with me before I went to the hospital, and it's lost. So I was wondering if you took it or have seen it somewhere in the house."

A long silence answered Matthew, his brother tilted his head to the side. "An iron cross, huh. Dude, there was no iron cross in that box. All it had inside it was our photographs and that wooden toy soldier Arthur gave to me.

 _What?_

Matthew was dumbfounded, "What do you mean? There was definately an iron cross in that box." he defended, but Alfred just stared at him in confusion. "Bro, are you feeling alright?"

"What about the small stuffed bear that we found?"

"What?"

"The polar bear that I used to own when we were kids."

"You mean the polar bear that you lost when we were kids? Dude, we never saw it again after you lost it."

 _But...I had it in my hands a few days ago..._

"Alfred, stop playing games. Where is the cross and the bear?"

"Mattie, look you must be confused after all that happened-"

"Where is the cross and the bear, Alfred."

Matthew needed the cross for his plan to work. Without it, he doesn't know what his next move will be. They argued for a good four minutes until Arthur and Francis came upstairs to see what the commotion was about. "What's wrong, Matthew? Alfred?" Arthur asked the two boys, "Dad, Matthew's talking nonsense-"

"No, Alfred. You saw it with your own eyes, _you_ saw the iron cross in my hands, _you_ saw me clutching the bear in my hands. _Don't deny it_!" Matthew was already close to tears. The cross and the bear could've been the answer to all of his questions and doubts. The items could've led him to someone or something that could've explained why he cried his eyes out everytime the clock strikes 5. He could've clarified the dreams and bits of blurred memories that he kept on having, he could've discovered the identity of the boy with crimson eyes he kept dreaming of. The whole room was silent, none of the four moved nor talked.

 _"Mattie! Hey, birdie!"_

Matthew broke the silence with a gasp, startling the other three.

 _"I'll be going somewhere for a little while, I hope you don't forget the awesome me."_

"Mattie, bro! What's wrong?"

 _Wait, who are you? What's your name?_

"Matthew, lad! Speak to us!"

 _"Don't leave..."_

"Mon deiu! Please talk, Matthew!"

 _"I'll always be with you," he now saw him clearly. Matthew's heart skipped a beat as he gazed into the crimson red eyes of the person before him. His hair was as silver-like, and his smile made butterflies in his stomach flutter. Matthew wasn't sure who this person was, but he was certain that he has fallen in love with him._ _"Are you sure? 'cause I have a feeling that you'll forget me, eh."_ _"What? How could I ever forget mein birdie! I would die if I do."_ _"You're an idiot. "_ _"I know, but I'm your awesome idiot. Ich liebe dich, Matthew."_ _"Je t'ame, Gilbert."_

"GILBERT!" Matthew gasped. His brother and father's looked at him, Alfred paled when he heard the name. Arthur looked at Francis with a sad look in his eyes, Matthew smiled as tears fell from his eyes, "I have to find Gilbert, I have to find him!" he grinned like a fool.

 _Gilbert! Your name is Gilbert! I will find you, I promise!_

He dashed out of his room and thundered down the stairs, he swung open the front door (probably breaking it in the process). He ran. He did not know where he was heading, but it did not matter. He just had to find Gilbert then all of his questions could be answered. He heard voices calling after him, though he did not care. He finally knew the boy in his dreams, now his mind was set to find him.

 _Forget about the cross and the bear, my plan can work with this._

 **OMFG, I was soo not in the mood when I wrote this. I was feeling depressed for f*ck's sake! I hate the shuffle option because there's a song that just puts you into the mood then after the song's done, another comes up that would sometimes ruin the mood.** **Me: *listening to 'Dive' by Ed Sheeran*** **Phone: Imma piss this b*tch off *Plays 'It's quiet uptown' from Hamilton** **Me: WTF, phone. ;-;** **(Don't read that crap I wrote)** **Ciao~**


	8. Determination

**I am still way too lazy to open my account in Wattpad, so that's why I still update here**

Gilbert sneaked into the house, hoping that he could eavesdrop on Ludwig and Roderich's conversation. "-he could not know about this." he heard Ludwig's deep voice in the kitchen, "This idea of yours, it's too risky." Roderich replied, Gilbert crouched down to the floor, he leaned into the wall, hoping that the two did not hear him. "But you said that you already found him, Roderich. I have to go..."

"If you leave, Gilbert will be left here all alone. You know the reason why he began to live with you, right Ludwig?"

 _What the hell?_

"Then why don't you stay with him-"

"I have my own life, back in Austria. I just can't abandon my dream of being a musician, my job as a music teacher would also be at stake if I babysat Gilbert for you."

 _Ouch, babysit? I'm not some asshat who needs a babysitter._

He heard his brother sigh, "I know that Gilbert could die anytime, his heart is weak and his health is slowly deteriorating, but this is my heart we're talking about, Roderich. The person that I have been looking for my whole life is in Italy right now, running his own restaurant. Heck, he might be looking for me right now..."

"Ludwig, think about this. Remember Gilbert's last episode, he lost his memories from the past 7 months when he woke up. We cannot risk something that could be much more worser."

 _7 months? I lost my memories from the past 7 months?_

Gilbert kept quiet and continued to eavesdrop on the conversation, "I know that, but this person in Italy...he can be the answer to my...situation."

"You cannot leave Berlin."

"I can and I will, in just a few months, I'll be done with my third year in collage, Gilbert will graduate this year. He could find himself a decent job, while I search for this person during the break."

"But-"

"I've made up my mind, Roderich. I will find the person that I have lost all those years ago."

"Ludwig, listen to me. I cannot allow you to leave the country now, I did say that I found his location...but I did not say that he's still alive."

Silence.

"What?"

Gilbert could easily picture Roderich trembling at the tone of Ludwig's voice. He tried to process everything that he was hearing, he had some health condition that may kill him anytime, he lost his memories from the past 7 months, his brother was threatening to leave Germany to look for some person down in Italy that could help Ludwig with a...situation. He leaned his ear closer towards the kitchen, hoping that the two men would continue their conversation.

"I-I'm sorry if I didn't tell you sooner-"

"Roderich, please tell me that you are just joking..."

"I'm not joking, Ludwig. He's long gone, the only way I was able to know his whereabouts was through Antonio, who knew the Italian's brother very well."

"Could you...at least tell me his name...?" Gilbert has never heard Ludwig's voice break, he wanted to jump into the kitchen and comfort his little brother. "Feliciano Vargas." Roderich replied, Gilbert heard the Austrian stand up from his chair. Gilbert silently walked towards the back door and opened it a little bit, to make it seem like he had just entered the house. "Uh...hey, Roderich." Gilbert greeted as he closed the door, but he was taken aback when he saw Roderich's eyes glistening with tears. "A-are you alright-"

"Yes, yes. I am fine." He turned away from the other man, wiping his eyes as he did so. "What were you two talking about?"

"I-it's none of your business, Gilbert."

"Why?"

"It's just...you wouldn't understand."

"I'm older than Ludwig, of course I could understand."

The Austrian turned around and looked at Gilbert straight in the eye. "I have to leave. It was nice catching up with you, Gilbert." he turned to leave, but Gilbert pulled him back. "Just...don't forget the favour I asked you. You haven't told my brother, right?" he said in a hushed tone, Roderich nodded solemnly. "Good,"

 _"Because I don't want to hurt Ludwig, even if he was willing to do anything to get out of Berlin."_

Gilbert finished the sentence in his mind. The Austrian grabbed his coat and opened the door. "Auf wiedersehen, Gilbert." Roderich said as he left.

"Auf wiedersehen, princess man."

"I heard that, asshat!"

 _It was warm. That was all Gilbert felt. The warmth that blocked out the cold of the night, he barely felt the grass that surrounded them, he barely heard the forest ambiance. The warm body pressed against him, the soft, moist lips that was against his, the hands traveling up and down his back and chest, and he wanted more of it. He pulled the other closer to him, closing all the gaps between them, he heard a gasp and a soft moan._ _The person below him began to grind their body against Gilbert's. "G-gil..." the voice made his heart flutter, Gilbert focused his vision towards the other man's face. He expected that the face was still blurred in his vision, but he was mistaken. His breath was taken away by the sight of the most beautiful face he had ever seen, his lips were red, swollen and wet, his cheeks were tinted with pink that seemed to glow in the moonlight, and Gilbert stared into the unique lilac eyes that was filled with lust. Gilbert knew what the other wanted, and he was willing to give it to him._ _"Birdie, are you sure you're ready for this?"_ _"Y-yes..."_ _"I don't want to hurt you, so tell me if you want to stop."_ _"O-okay..."_ _And with that, Gilbert began to kiss the other man's jawline, then moved down to his neck, he unbuttoned the other's clothing to gain more access to his neck and chest. Gilbert found his moans like music to his ears, but when he bit down on a spot that made the other moan loudly, Gilbert thought that he had heard an angel's voice. The more he licked, sucked and kissed that certain spot, he heared more melodious moans come from the other man's mouth. He pulled away and admired at the man below him, "Gilbert..." he moaned out._ _"Ja?"_ _"Je t'ame..."_ _"Ich liebe dich auch, Matthew."_

"MEIN GOTT!" Gilbert sat up on his bed, panting heavily.He heard a faint "shut up." from upstairs-Gilbert assumed that he had awoken his brother with his awesome voice- He was certain that he just had a dream (even though he couldn't remember it, he knew it was a good dream) and the only thing that he could remember was the name: "Matthew" He checked the time on the clock placed on his nightstand.

 _4:59 a.m._

Then, 5 o'clock struck. Tears filled his eyes once more, but this time, the tears weren't of sorrow, but of joy. He grinned like a madman as he repeated the name over and over again.

 _Matthew. Matthew. Matthew! Your name is Matthew! I will not fail you, birdie. I will find you._

Gilbert was now wide awake, all the drowsiness has left his system and was replaced with adrenaline and determination.

He looked for his phone and dialed Roderich's number.

 _"Hello? Gilbert, why the hell did you call me at 5 o'clock in the morning?"_

"Roderich, I'm planning to leave Berlin in an hour , I hope you could still remember my awesome favour, right?"

 _"Yes, yes. I won't be leaving Germany 'til the day after tomorrow, so this 'plan' of yours better work or else I'd be dead meat when Ludwig finds out."_

"Kesese~You won't be alone. The awesome me would also be dead meat if my bruder finds out."

 _"I don't know what you've just talked me into, but I have a feeling that this wouldn't end well."_

 **Oh God, I'm a total mess! I'm getting confused with the story line because of the frequent writer's blocks and urges of procrastination. (Pls. Kill me now, or give me chocolate to make me feel better.) Writing that slight fluff/lemon/lime/whatever the hell you call it, made me go out of my comfort zone a bit, though stretching beyond your comfort zone is a good thing right?** **Ciao~**


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